ARRGGHH!!! I miss my parents so much!!! It's killing me! It's weird, I don't remember feeling this way when I was younger and away from them. Now, time flies by so fast when I'm with them.
Time is a strange beast. We all use the same standard for time. 60 secs is 1 minute. 60 minute is 1 hour and so forth and so on, but why does it pass by so fast some time? Sometimes, it drags that you wonder if the earth's rotation suddenly slows down for that particular point it time.
It's funny that Time is just part of the human perception. It can be slow or fast, depending on how you see it. Isn't it fascinating that however we standardize things, like the TIME for example, humans can still perceive them differently?
Life has so many ironies. Humans tend to yearn for things that are not there anymore. For example, your family, you live with them, you grow up with them, you get tired of them, then you take them for granted. You move away, then you yearn for them. You wish you're with them again.
Now, why is it like this? Are humans so stupid that when they don't know a good thing when they have it? Why do they yearn for the opposite when what they have right now is so good? Is it some kind of brain malfunction?
I can't believe my vacation is already over. A few weeks ago, I was so excited about it. I thought it'll never come. Then it came. It was bliss. Now it's over, I feel lower than a pile of crap under the bedrock. Kinda like love 'no? You thought it'll never come. It comes. Then it's bliss. It's gone, now you feel lower than a pile of crap in the middle of the earth's core. Kinda makes you afraid. Would you risk to feel that high when you know that you'll gonna feel the lowest when it's over?
One of the best lines that I have ever heard was from a favorite movie of mine, it says "Maybe the secret to happiness is to not expect anything."
How many times have this happened to you? "Darn it, I'm late. I'll never catch the bus now." Lo and behold, the bus is still there." Or out of the blue, a person whom you never expected to call you, just did.
Wouldn't it be nice if we just let things and people be. Letting them reach their full potential with all our love and support, but never expecting what the results could be? Wouldn't it be nice if at least once a day we get a lil pleasant surprise that we never expect?
One day, my brother and I had a fight. I felt hurt because it seemed that he does not care at all. He said, "You are family. I know that you will always be there. I never expected anything from you, that's why I'm always happy. I am omnipotent." Back then, I didn't know what he meant by that. As time passes on, I understood, so then I never expected anything from him anymore. Lo and behold, he calls me and implies that he would like to see me (after all these long years). When things like these happen thoughts like "What's wrong now?" "Is someone dying?" "Am I dying?" enter my mind. Then maybe, just maybe, it's one of life's lil surprises, and I never expected it.
Have you ever noticed that mirrors are different? When you look at one mirror you look beautiful, "Oh yeah. How you doin'?. With that same face you look in another mirror and you think "ugh. is that me? I should be arrested for illegal possession of a deadly face." Now you think, which is the mirror that's telling me the truth? Am I beautiful or am I ugly? The truth is, you have a choice. Are you gonna spend your everyday life being happy and thinking "I'm beautiful." Or are you gonna spend the rest of your life being despondent thinking "People shouldn't be allowed to look at me. I'm ugly."
It reminds me a person I used to know back in high school. This girl was perfect in every way. She's smart, pretty, popular... she's every bit of a girl that you wish you could be. I did wish I could be like her.
One day, I came across her blog, she said that one of her friends (I think is some sort of pyschic) dreamt that death is upon her. And you know what? She said she wish it could come sooner coz she's tired of having to be lonely all the time. Now, I dunno what it was, I swear this is true, that SAME time, I dreamt of her also, but it was the opposite. I dreamt that she was in a beach, happy.
So I wrote her an email, I was a bit of an asshole that time coz I didn't expect this girl to be this sad soul. I think my opening line was "WTF???" I know, a bit insensitive, huh? Then I went on to tell her that she's special, blah, blah, blah... I told her how I admired her back in high school, and how I dreamt of her being this happy girl and such. I told her "You have a choice. Which dream is gonna be your reality?" Then I never heard from her again.
I did email her after that, but she never answered back. I hope she's ok. It's weird when you think about it. "But she's so perfect." It makes me think, "being perfect" is an illusion. We all have our own definition of perfect. Perfect can only exist thru the eye of the beholder.
Have you ever seen "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?" It's one of my favorite movies. It's about a guy who had his memory selectively erased. He did this so he can forget the pain of heartbreak. The procedure was successful alright, bbbuuut... His past had come back to hunt him and bit him in the ass. Now, this woman whom he wanted to forget is now in his life again and you know what happens next.
You know, I could'a written that story. There was a time in my life eons ago where I wanted so bad to selectively erase my memory. But you know, if you try really hard to forget stuff, it actually works. There were moments in my everyday life where I see something and it kinda makes me stop dead in my tracks and think "that looks familiar." It's kinda like an amnesiac having to remember things.
But I don't recommend "forcing" yourself to forget things. You tend to forget the other happy things that came with the "painful package." Sometimes people ask, "Hey do you remember the time...blah, blah, blah. Wasn't it fun???" With a blank stare in my eyes, "Are you sure it was me who you're with? Coz I don't remember a damn thing." Then of course, the other person gets insulted.
If I was the doctor in the "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," I'd highly recommend my patients to go far, far away from where they are right now. Move to a different country for Christ's sake. Then maybe, just maybe, you'd be a new person without the painful memory burden. But whattabout destiny? What if you are destined to have that thing have happened to you? Coz that's what the movie told me. You can't escape your destiny. So is there such a thing like "You are the master of your own destiny." Or you are a prisoner until destiny dictates what you ought to be?
Holy crap!!! It's been six months since I posted here! Fall and winter have passed and not a word from me.
You may be wondering why I stopped posting. No, it's not laziness. But more of fear.
Fear you ask? I am not an expert in dreams. But I do know now that dreams are product of the subconsious. The SUBCONSCIOUS does NOT LIE. I felt that by letting you know what my dreams were, it suddenly opened a hole in my otherwise tough brick wall. I suddenly felt vulnerable and started to feel like a human again, so I STOPPED.
What's so bad about being a human? Uh, don't get me started. I am more of a scientific sort of person. I like it when everything has a scientific explanation. Why is the sky blue? We all know that one. Even the strangest phenomena on earth, has a scientific explanation, like LOVE. Why do people love? Well, it's because of this hormone and this and that. The center of love is not the heart, it's the brain, blah, blah, blah.
See? That's why I love science. It makes me understand stuff. One thing that I don't understand still is human emotions. Why do we have it? What purpose does it serve us? Can we live without it?
The mind is the center of all processes for all humans, as the sun is the center of the universe. You kill the mind, you terminate life. You feel with the mind, not with the heart.
