Welcome Love

It's just so sad that when people "mature" or when people get into "adulthood," we tend to fear a lot of things. Everything has to be planned. Everything has to be perfect. Everything has a cause and effect documents laid out. I mean, nothing wrong with that, but when it comes to matters of the "heart" (I tend to call it matters of the "oxytocin - laden brain."), you can't really plan for it perfectly.

How many times have you heard people say "By the time I'm 25, I plan to fall madly deep inlove."? Zero. Coz falling inlove, no matter how you look at it, cannot be planned. I think that's why people are always caught off-guard and people do crazy things when they do. But crazy or not, you have to do something (in my opinion anyways). You just don't fall inlove then decide right away that it's not gonna work, that realisticly the relationship is doomed from the start, blah, blah, blah. We fear the unknown, right? In the real world (scientifically speaking), how do doctors cure phobia? By reintroducing the fear stimulus a lil bit at a time to the patient. That's how people should approach love, in my opinion. Baby steps. I mean, really, you can't download love at will (oh God, if only we could, eh?). You can't buy it from the store. You can't find it even if you look hard, coz it finds you. And if the opportunity comes, you better do something about it. Welcome it, at least. Do not kick its ass outta door right away. At least give it a chance, yknow. Coz if you don't, you'll live day after day of regretting that time when you shove love outta door.

Spotless Mind

I was browsing the magazines at the bookstore a few days ago and I found an interesting article: It appears that it is now possible (sort of) to erase bad memories and traumatic events from the mind.

What happens is (if I understand this correctly), a pill can now adjust the levels of stress hormones that the brain secretes when it remembers a traumatic event. This lessens the physiological effect on the patient's body. Then a "newly-edited memory" is now stored in the brain. So when the patient remembers this same event, it is now different. The traumatic details will be lessened.

While all of there is all good in a glance, what about the other implications? What if somewhere along the way, the patient needed to remember the event as it exactly happened for legal purposes (say, the patient is a witness in a court proceeding)? Or what if the patient needed to remember the events very vividly for other purposes?

But whattabout the patient's sake? Is it humane to let this person live his/her life day after day very miserable and fear-laden? Is it humane to let this person being unable to live his/her life the way any normal human being could?

What do you think?

Tired and Transforming

Do you have a principle that you will fight for no matter what happens? Do you ever get tired of fighting for it? For me, the right answer would be no, but now I don't have the strength to fight for it anymore.

I didn't know that I'll ever reach that point in my life that I'd be puffing and panting and ultimately giving up. It's not in my nature. But now, I'm starting to stop caring about things anymore.

If there is such a thing as a morphological transformation from being human to being an artificial intelligence, I think this could feel like this. Basically, the neuro transmission that fires up human emotions to and from that particular part in the brain, just stops reaching its destination.

You become part of an industrialized nation where the most important things is to build, acquire and build and acquire some more. It's like a neverending ladder where you keep reaching for the top, but the top doesn't exist. The reasons that you made climb up the ladder is essentially the battery that doesn't know when to run out. You lose sight of what's important to you, and eventually, the human part of you dies.

TIME

ARRGGHH!!! I miss my parents so much!!! It's killing me!

It's weird, I don't remember feeling this way when I was younger and away from them. Now, time flies by so fast when I'm with them.

Time is a strange beast. We all use the same standard for time. 60 secs is 1 minute. 60 minute is 1 hour and so forth and so on, but why does it pass by so fast some time? Sometimes, it drags that you wonder if the earth's rotation suddenly slows down for that particular point it time.

It's funny that Time is just part of the human perception. It can be slow or fast, depending on how you see it. Isn't it fascinating that however we standardize things, like the TIME for example, humans can still perceive them differently?

Farther But Closer

Life has so many ironies. Humans tend to yearn for things that are not there anymore.

For example, your family, you live with them, you grow up with them, you get tired of them, then you take them for granted. You move away, then you yearn for them. You wish you're with them again.

Now, why is it like this? Are humans so stupid that when they don't know a good thing when they have it? Why do they yearn for the opposite when what they have right now is so good? Is it some kind of brain malfunction?

High Then Low

I can't believe my vacation is already over. A few weeks ago, I was so excited about it. I thought it'll never come. Then it came. It was bliss. Now it's over, I feel lower than a pile of crap under the bedrock.

Kinda like love 'no? You thought it'll never come. It comes. Then it's bliss. It's gone, now you feel lower than a pile of crap in the middle of the earth's core. Kinda makes you afraid. Would you risk to feel that high when you know that you'll gonna feel the lowest when it's over?

Secret to Happiness

One of the best lines that I have ever heard was from a favorite movie of mine, it says "Maybe the secret to happiness is to not expect anything."

How many times have this happened to you? "Darn it, I'm late. I'll never catch the bus now." Lo and behold, the bus is still there." Or out of the blue, a person whom you never expected to call you, just did.

Wouldn't it be nice if we just let things and people be. Letting them reach their full potential with all our love and support, but never expecting what the results could be? Wouldn't it be nice if at least once a day we get a lil pleasant surprise that we never expect?

One day, my brother and I had a fight. I felt hurt because it seemed that he does not care at all. He said, "You are family. I know that you will always be there. I never expected anything from you, that's why I'm always happy. I am omnipotent." Back then, I didn't know what he meant by that. As time passes on, I understood, so then I never expected anything from him anymore. Lo and behold, he calls me and implies that he would like to see me (after all these long years). When things like these happen thoughts like "What's wrong now?" "Is someone dying?" "Am I dying?" enter my mind. Then maybe, just maybe, it's one of life's lil surprises, and I never expected it.

Which Mirror?

Have you ever noticed that mirrors are different? When you look at one mirror you look beautiful, "Oh yeah. How you doin'?. With that same face you look in another mirror and you think "ugh. is that me? I should be arrested for illegal possession of a deadly face." Now you think, which is the mirror that's telling me the truth? Am I beautiful or am I ugly? The truth is, you have a choice. Are you gonna spend your everyday life being happy and thinking "I'm beautiful." Or are you gonna spend the rest of your life being despondent thinking "People shouldn't be allowed to look at me. I'm ugly."

It reminds me a person I used to know back in high school. This girl was perfect in every way. She's smart, pretty, popular... she's every bit of a girl that you wish you could be. I did wish I could be like her.

One day, I came across her blog, she said that one of her friends (I think is some sort of pyschic) dreamt that death is upon her. And you know what? She said she wish it could come sooner coz she's tired of having to be lonely all the time. Now, I dunno what it was, I swear this is true, that SAME time, I dreamt of her also, but it was the opposite. I dreamt that she was in a beach, happy.

So I wrote her an email, I was a bit of an asshole that time coz I didn't expect this girl to be this sad soul. I think my opening line was "WTF???" I know, a bit insensitive, huh? Then I went on to tell her that she's special, blah, blah, blah... I told her how I admired her back in high school, and how I dreamt of her being this happy girl and such. I told her "You have a choice. Which dream is gonna be your reality?" Then I never heard from her again.

I did email her after that, but she never answered back. I hope she's ok. It's weird when you think about it. "But she's so perfect." It makes me think, "being perfect" is an illusion. We all have our own definition of perfect. Perfect can only exist thru the eye of the beholder.

Natural Selection

Have you ever seen "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?" It's one of my favorite movies. It's about a guy who had his memory selectively erased. He did this so he can forget the pain of heartbreak. The procedure was successful alright, bbbuuut... His past had come back to hunt him and bit him in the ass. Now, this woman whom he wanted to forget is now in his life again and you know what happens next.

You know, I could'a written that story. There was a time in my life eons ago where I wanted so bad to selectively erase my memory. But you know, if you try really hard to forget stuff, it actually works. There were moments in my everyday life where I see something and it kinda makes me stop dead in my tracks and think "that looks familiar." It's kinda like an amnesiac having to remember things.

But I don't recommend "forcing" yourself to forget things. You tend to forget the other happy things that came with the "painful package." Sometimes people ask, "Hey do you remember the time...blah, blah, blah. Wasn't it fun???" With a blank stare in my eyes, "Are you sure it was me who you're with? Coz I don't remember a damn thing." Then of course, the other person gets insulted.

If I was the doctor in the "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," I'd highly recommend my patients to go far, far away from where they are right now. Move to a different country for Christ's sake. Then maybe, just maybe, you'd be a new person without the painful memory burden. But whattabout destiny? What if you are destined to have that thing have happened to you? Coz that's what the movie told me. You can't escape your destiny. So is there such a thing like "You are the master of your own destiny." Or you are a prisoner until destiny dictates what you ought to be?

Why?

Holy crap!!! It's been six months since I posted here! Fall and winter have passed and not a word from me.

You may be wondering why I stopped posting. No, it's not laziness. But more of fear.

Fear you ask? I am not an expert in dreams. But I do know now that dreams are product of the subconsious. The SUBCONSCIOUS does NOT LIE. I felt that by letting you know what my dreams were, it suddenly opened a hole in my otherwise tough brick wall. I suddenly felt vulnerable and started to feel like a human again, so I STOPPED.

What's so bad about being a human? Uh, don't get me started. I am more of a scientific sort of person. I like it when everything has a scientific explanation. Why is the sky blue? We all know that one. Even the strangest phenomena on earth, has a scientific explanation, like LOVE. Why do people love? Well, it's because of this hormone and this and that. The center of love is not the heart, it's the brain, blah, blah, blah.

See? That's why I love science. It makes me understand stuff. One thing that I don't understand still is human emotions. Why do we have it? What purpose does it serve us? Can we live without it?

Dreaming Names

Not much to write today, my dream last night involved seeing a name so clearly. A name that I have never seen or heard before. It's "William Fencer."

I dunno people dream of names. I dunno why I dream of names unknown to me. Is it trying to tell me something? Where do they come from? It could only be from my subconscious, but where is it getting this information?

Last week, I got interested in Nostradamus' prophecies. I didn't wanna read any of the previous interpretations because it will only influence my own. As I read them, I thought, it's very vague. What is the timeline? It's very hard to get an accurate interpretation.

I read some more, and I thought, these prophecies could mean anything. It could mean a lot of things. It could relate to a lot of events. Why do the prophecies get proven after the fact that the events already happened? If they're effective prophecies, people could use them to predict future events, but that doesn't happen yet.

To make the long story short, as of now, I don't believe in them.

Pictures and the Past

"I'm upstairs in our house in the country. There is a closet there. It's the closet that we had when I was a kid in reality. I opened the closet and go inside. There is shelf in the closet that has a lot of stuff on it. One is very small baby shoe (I think it's the left foot), size of a quarter. It has "T-Fridays" written on it.

I see an older picture of our family. I can see my mom smiling. I thought "I remember that picture." I see another picture of our family, first I see only part of it because it's behind another picture frame. It says "Our family in the 70's" or something like that. As I slowly move it so I can see it better, I am expecting to see myself in the photo, but I'm not there. I thought "I'm not there because I wasn't born yet." I also see a black n' white picture of my older sister. She's so pretty there, I think it's taken in the 70s too. I see an older pix of my cousin, in the 70s too. She's so pretty.

Then my mom came. She brings a basket of "suman" (rice cake) for us to eat."

When I woke up from this dream, I felt so lonely. I miss my family so much. I miss home. It's been awhile since we all got together. It really breaks my heart.

One thing that I notice in this dream is: myself not being in the pictures. I think it reflects the way I feel. I feel I'm not being part of our family because of the distance. The way that I long to see myself in the pictures denotes my yearning to be with them in reality.

Since You've Been Gone Part II

Okay, I'm not saying that this is freaky but last weekend, two days after I dreamt about Kelly Clarkson and her "Since You've Been Gone" song, I saw her at MTV 2005 (it was a rerun). I saw her performing that song. Coincedence or not?

I have even forgotten that I dreamt about her and that song. I only remembered when I visited my blog today.

I know that one cannot dream future events... unless you're Nostradamus.

It's probably just a coincedence. I will definitely track occurences like this. It's very interesting.

Since You've Been Gone

"I'm with my brother, sister and friend. We go to a war-torn country to visit our cousin who works for the army. As we arrive to the site, we see a lot of people, soldiers, slaves. I can smell the stench of people not bathing for awhile.

Another scene... I'm walking, I'm singing "Since You've Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson, then a blond young woman who's sipping some drink sitting, asks me who sang that song, I said "Kelly Clarkson." I looked at the young woman more intently and she's Kelly Clarkson! She's just testing me."

I have had a few dreams already where I hear songs. Do the songs have meanings? "Woman in Chains?" "Since You've Been Gone?" I can't say that they're songs that I couldn't get out of my head. "Woman in Chains" I haven't heard in years. "Since You've Been Gone" I haven't heard weeks ago. Why do they play in my dreams? Are they trying to tell me something? Or they're just merely soundtracks?

A Crappy, Crappy Day

I had a crappy, crappy day yesterday. Too many bad news in one day. This was my dream:

"I'm driving my car. I followed a group of student teenagers. I hear they're going to Shakey's (I love Shakey's, but we don't have it here). We've been driving for about an hour, an hour and a half. We come to a town called "Duncan."

I go inside Shakey's to order a pizza and chicken. I'm reading the menu and the prize for a 5 piece chicken with potato is $17.74.

My order is finished. I'm paying the cashier. He said I owe him $97.90 (?). Whoa! I ask him to check again, my pizza is a cheeseburger pizza. It's $26.90. I thought that's a freakin' expensive pizza. So he checks again, and he did make a mistake. It's not clear if I got the pizza or not.

In my dream I'm thinking, this is pretty far to drive to get a Shakey's pizza, but I'm going to anyway."

Since I had a very crappy day yesterday, in my dream, I drove for a very long distance, much like what I could've done in real life, although I can't coz the prize of gas is outrageous nowadays.

I searched for a restaurant where I used to eat as a kid, and it always made me feel better. In my dream, I did find it, like searching for comfort food.

It's great that in my dreams, I can do things that I can't do in real life to cope with life's unpleasantness. As an adult, there are so many things that we can't do nowadays because of responsibilities and time limitations. Even coping with our negative emotions becomes a privilege. We become numb and try to live life as nothing is affecting our emotions. But in our dreams, we can't lie. In my dreams, I am human.

Fountains and an All - Star - Cast

"There seems to be a happening going on. A parade or something, I'm not really sure. I'm inside an office of some sort. It appears that I'm working there as a favor for someone.

The office is white, with glass sliding doors. I run out. I go inside a building that is being constructed. It's very dusty. While I'm walking, water fountains spray on me. The water makes the dust on the floorboards muddy. I jump around, from fountains to fountains.

While I'm there, I'm listening to a radio show. Oprah Winfrey is on the radio. She's promoting a skin product, and she kept saying my first name on the radio, over and over. She must've said it 7 times or so. Then all of a sudden, Oprah is there in person, I ask here if the person she's referring to in the ad is indeed me. She says yes. I say, I hope she'll say my last name coz nobody would know if that indeed was me (although my name is quite unique, If you search in on the internet, you'll only find one, and that's me).

Next scene, my aunt is there, she's holding a notebook of some sort, and she said, she'll hire me, and pay me.

Another scene... Roland Orzabal and Curt Smith (Tears for Fears) are in there. They appear to be some sort of royal chaps. "Woman in Chains" is playing in the background. They sure dress like it. Barry Manilow is there as well. He's supposed to pretend that he's our butler. He becomes upset, I can't remember why. He says something like, he's only doing this as a favor and blah, blah, blah. He says something like, English (the language) is stupid because it has feminine and masculine words. He rides his black bicycle with his umbrella. I can see the brown dust while he does that.)"

I know why Barry Manilow is bitching like that in my dream. I took my French Test yesterday, got my scores and the anvil fell on me. I only needed one more measly point to reach the cut-off score to the level of proficiency that I was aiming for. As we all know, French has masculine and feminine words.

They say that when you dream of fountains, they represent great joy or increased sensitivity. Well, yesterday was a very special occasion and we celebrated.

I'm not sure why Oprah was calling my name. They say that when you dream someone calling your name, you are in tune your spirituality. Hmm... I dunno about that. Maybe in tune with my subconcious, but I don't think I'm a very spiritual person.

Ahh... After a few days of not remembering my dream, I am starting to remember again. I was having insomnia the past few weeks and now I started sleeping better. I started going to the gym. Have a hot shower at home, and by the time I finish, my body is so tired and sleepy. So if you're having trouble sleeping, I suggest that you work it out, not necessarily go to the gym but tire yourself out physically and you may sleep better.

I saw the Dalai Lama speak a few years ago and he said the best meditation is sleeping. Heck, I love meditation!!! I've been doing it for a very long time and still loving it!!!

Test Tubes and Experiments

"There is an opening in our college for a lab assistant. I'm one of the many people who applied.
We're in white lab coats. We're in a laboratory (the one when I was in college in real life). Test tubes are being distributed. The guy asked me to distribute the test tubes and check off the names after. My grade school classmates are there, as well as my college ones.

One of my classmates is burning soil for an experiment. As he calls it "charring the soil."
I'm able to do part of the experiment. I have my four test tubes with yellow agar in it.

The last scene is, everybody finishes their experiments but me because I was the one who had to distribute materials to everybody. The guy (who's supposed to be the asst. supervisor) says that I might still be able to make the cut coz I was able to do the important part of the experiment. I was able to produce the comppund "chlorirase". Somehow, I'm still a bit discouraged."

This dream was last Sept. 7. Blogger was down yesterday. I haven't been sleeping well lately. It's harder for me to remember my dreams in the morning. I wake up in the middle of the night and I can't get back to sleep. When it's time to wake up, I feel so tired and sleepy. I'm pretty sure I dreamed last night, but I couldn't remember what it was about because of lack of sleep.

The common team in my recent dreams is the laboratory environment.

Hurricane and Hawaii

"I'm with a group of girlfriends (unknown). We're supposed to be on holidays in a hotel of some sort. The news comes that there will be a huge flooding and hurricane. So we're scrambling to get in the cars to drive away. One of my supposed to be girlfriends (uknown to me, who's being a bitch) wants to go home to hawaii. I tell her to the effect that it's not a good idea since the hurricane might be passing by there. I ask her why she wants to go there, and she says 'To sleep.'"

Why did I dream this? I think I dreamt about this because of the recent devastation of New Orleans from Katrina. In my dreams, I played one of the people who were scrambling to save herself from the hurricane.

I don't know why the word "Hawaii" was mentioned in my dream, though. I haven't seen or heard anything about hawaii.

Fire, Flying and Murder

"I'm at a university/college dorm. I'm with Luke (the oc). He's wearing a sports jacket. I'm in his room. Next thing you know, we are doing it. Then an elderly woman (probably the dean or the principal) opened the door and called his name (I'm hiding from her). She sees the room empty, shrugs her shoulders and goes away.

Then it shows that Luke's body is wrapped in a plastic bag hidden under the bed. It appears that I killed him. I'm like praying mantis who kills her mate after doing it. It's empasized in the dream that Luke wasn't killed in his room.

I light a match, flick it on the bed, let it burn. I exit the room. I'm on the grass now, walking. It appears that I'm a lil girl now. All of a sudden, I fly. I saw a few houses being built as I flew by them. I see islands, blue waters. I thought, my god, this country is such a beautiful place if only people can se e what I see.

I entered a place up in the sky. It looks like my old science lab from college. I see a boy. He has super powers too. He has wavy hair, and appears to be of latin decent. He knows what I did (killed Luke). I let myself disappear (apprently, I have invisible powers too). Although, he does not see me, he knows where I am.

Next scene, In the living room, there are a few people there, they all have super powers. There are 2 police men too. THey are going to catch me. It appears that the boy wants to help me. I make myself invisible, but the policemen have super powers and they caught me.

Immidiately to this scene, my friend and I enters a grocery store. She's supposed to work at the deli there. A chinese co-worker (unknown) talks to her about the exam they are about to take that afternoon. I saw an old college friend of mine, she's with her husband walking. I saw her face. She looks very sad and unsatisfied. I look at her but she didn't wanna look at me. It appears that she's embarassed coz she's not happy with the marriage.

I go to the deli. There's soup. I asked if there's a lot of scallops in the soup. The manager said yes and am I going to buy. I ask how much the small size is, she says $6. Wow, that's expensive. ALthough I didn't wanna buy it, I feel embarassed and buy it anyway. She gives me a discount of 20 cents coz my friend works there. I saw $5.80 clearly in the cash register's screen." End...

I will try and add my own interpretation tomorrow. This is a very long dream. Note to self: I had a bad migraine when I had this dream (located in my left temple). I thought I'd need to take medicines again, but I didn't.

Bus and Bottle

"I'm in the store with my friend. We were buying liquor (I don't drink in real life). We buy 3 bottles. As the bottles were being placed in the grocery bag, they get smaller. I read the label on the bottle and it says "grand marnier" if I'm not mistaken.

Somewhere in the dream, I'm reading a piece of paper and the number 13 was emphasized.
As we go out the grocery store, I'm running behind my friend to catch the bus. I ride the bus, swipe my bus pass. It makes a that tone (happens when you swipe the bus pass) and I wake up (the alarm goes off).

Okay, I've been dreaming about buses again. But instead of me being left behind, I actually got on the bus, but I didn't get to sit down coz the alarm went off.

I've been researching the meanings of bus dreams. Most say that riding a bus is something to do with going along with the crowd. It could mean that riding the bus reflects the group dynamics that I am having at work. How I work with the group. As you see, I am the newest member of the team, and so far, I think I am fitting well.

They say that dreaming of a bottle indicates how we are "bottling" up our emotions and not expressing them. The content of the bottle indicates the nature of the emotions. For example, a bottle of champagne signifies the need to socialize. Hence, a bottle of liquor may indicate the same, since we associate drinking liquor with social events.

The amazing thing is, the bottle of liquor that I dreamt about looks like the picture above (only with creamy content), which I HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE IN MY LIFE. Dreaming of something that I've never seen and found out that it really does exist in the real world just boggles my mind.

The number 13,they say is a paradoxical number. It's birth and death; end and beginning. It's a symbolism of the obstacle that must be overcome. Isn't this everyday life?

Of Medicines and Sleep-Aids

I couldn't sleep last night because of my allergies. My nose felt so plugged up that I had to take antihistamines (which caused drowsiness). Sure I was able to sleep, but I didn't dream at all. The time I woke up, I felt like I didn't sleep at all. It felt like I closed my eyes for a minute then it's time to wake up.

Now that I thought about it, when I take medicines at night, those are the times that dreams don't visit me. Could there be a correlation between taking medicines when we go to sleep and dreaming and why? Now, that'd be an interesting theory. Let's put that to the test, shall we?

Caves and Treasures

My college best friends and I are in a cave (I was dropped off by an unknown man). We have a tour guide. An unknown woman, or man, I can't remember. The cave is full of glistening rocks and crystals. Different colors and sizes. One color that sticks to mind is yellow.

I see white crystals. I think they're diamonds. So anyway, I pick the glistening crystals and rocks. As I pick them, they become necklaces. I try to put them on. I have a lot of necklaces hanging upon my neck. The unknown tour guide tells me, only pick what you can use. Do not be greedy (not exactly the same words, but he/she says something to that effect). So I pick the ones that I like and refrain from picking more than I can carry or I know that I will never use.

As my friends and I exits the cave, the necklaces hanging upon my neck disappear and only one is left. It's a big diamond, oblong in size, almost like a huge white ruby.

Another scene... The same friends and I are at church. It's raining very hard when we're about to go. They don't have a car. So I give them a ride home. It's raining cats and dogs and I almost couldn't see anything from my windshield.

I actually know what the cave represents. It represents the hidden conscious. The fact that I found treasures inside the cave denotes that something precious is being kept there is a sigh of relief. May it be a hidden skill or talent, I'd be excited to know.

They say seeing falling rain symbolizes forgiveness and renewal. The fact that I saw the rain inside my car with my friends, maybe it's telling me to renew my friendship with them and forgive them. I had a little spat with them awhile back and I sorta kept out of touch with them. Hmmm... I think it's time for me to write them a little note or something...

Do you listen to your dreams?

Of Giant Tomatoes and Missing the Bus

"I'm in a backyard playing with my brother. We are still kids in this dream. There is a nice, cottage-like house in that backyard. It's not ours. It's our neighbor's. Our neighbor is a middle-aged lady (unknown character). She has a tall, tomato plant. Almost as tall as her house. The tomatoes are as big as a watermelon. One of the tomatoes fall off the plant and I catch it. The huge tomato is in my hand. Our lady neighbor goes out and she implies that I picked the tomato off the plant. I defend myself. I show her the dirt surrounding the fruit, and I tell her that it fell off the plant. I don't know if she believes me, but she gives the fruit to me. I pressed it so hard that it bursts. I put the fruit on some kind of wooden stand. One thing to remember in this scene is my brother and I are singing 'We Built This City.'

Another scene... I'm waiting for a bus, but I keep missing it. So a lady (unknown) shows me the bus schedule of some sort and she teaches me the new policies (sort of). As she's reading the pamphlet, the statement in bold letters 'Salary increase' is the one I remember the most."

The one commonality in these scenes was there is an unknown lady that kept communicating with me. Either to confront me or to to teach me something. There were also statements either in the background music or something that was read that were pronouncing themselves to me.

Who is the unknown lady? She's a bit of a disciplinarian. What is she trying to tell me? What do the songs mean? "We built this city." It coincides with my other dreams in the past where I have a new house being built (I think). Am I gonna be entering a new unknown phase in my life and the unknown lady is a representation of myself guiding me to the right direction and even foretelling me some things that are happening soon?

The huge tomatoes, it could only mean that I see tomatoes everyday that's why it's in my dreams. But the fact that the tomatoes looked so good and I coveted them (silently) could imply that I have hidden desires for something in my real life and the lady in my dream is reminding me to curtail such desires?

What about the bus? It could imply that I'm about to go somewhere, maybe not literally but metaphorically, but I kept missing the opportunity?

Nuclear Explosions

"I'm inside our house in the city. I'm watching the sky thru our screen doors and windows. Then all of a sudden I hear a loud explosion . I see the smoke in the sky, the rumbling and crashing down of the roofs. I hear and see this three times in a row.

While I'm experiencing this, I want to get out of there immediately and move to another city. My father is in the house with me. I feel panicky and worried because of the the would-be effects of this explosion. It could mean mutation, health hazards and the like. I tell my father my worries and he's shrugged it off. I'm a bit angry at his reaction.

The next scene is me going to a city in the mountains and looking for a place to move into."

They say that dreaming is an outlet to our repressed emotions. Dreaming about explosions is about venting your repressed anger when you couldn't do this in your waking life. When I dreamt about this, I remembered being angry about someone, but I couldn't let that person know about my feelings because I'm afraid of confrontation in general.

About the scene where I was looking for a new place to stay, I am still not quite sure. About a couple of nights ago, I dreamt about having a new house built. There's a commonality there. They say that this could mean I am entering a new phase in my life. If that's what it is, could a dream be also a foreshadowing of things to come?

Students, Bagels and Hairs

"I am a student. I have a paper with colored graphics that needs to be photocopied. I go into the first photocoying shop that I see. There's a lineup. I look for another shop. The area is very crowded full of students. I go inside another photocopying shop, and another lineup. I don't think I ever get my photocopying done.

I think I'm in a store. There's a machine that toasts bagels. The machine keeps spitting out bagels and I eat some of the bagels.

I am with my brother and I'm eating something. For some reason, the food that I'm eating has a lot of hairs in it."

I'm a bit perplexed by what my dream meant. Though I have a bit of recollection that when you dream about being a student you desire for the times when you were still in school with no worries and responsibilities. I don't have an idea about the photocopying though.

I read somewhere that bagels represent sexual urges, and hairs about sensuality. But eating both of them? What could they mean?

Ideas anyone? Have you had similar dreams like these?

Funerals and Legends

"I was at a funeral. It was supposed to be B.B. King's funeral. He was supposed to have died being 100 years old. All of a sudden, his corpse came to life. Surprisingly enough, no one was a bit surprised. I was the only one. Then one person (unknown to me) said, he came to life to take what he had lost. Under the blankets inside his coffin was a guitar. He took the guitar and played it. He did a one-finger bend that screamed thru the halls."

I think I know what this dream meant. I was at a store yesterday looking at books. I saw a guitar book. I wanted to buy it, but I thought I was never going to use it since I don't have time and my knowledge was a lil bit advanced than what the book had. But the truth was, I was an avid guitar player before. I used to listen to a lot of music, write songs and play the instrument thru the wee hours of the morning. But now, that part of me has died. By looking at that book yesterday, the guitar fan inside of me was screaming one more time to get back from the dead... and to take back what was lost.

Babies and Children

My first intention for writing this blog was to create a medium for the dreams that I have been having.

I dreamt about a lot of weird and amazing things in the past, and also nightmares. But my dreams also comfort me. When I'm worried about something, that night that I go to bed, I'd dream of someone talking to me, and saying comforting words. Surprisingly, the morning that I wake up, I'd feel comforted and less worried.

Dreams are amazing. For me, it resembles an unopened portal that I want to understand. It's a doorway to a fuller understanding of oneself.

Since I have started this blog, I have only written one dream flashback. I felt strangely vulnerable when I wrote about my dream. I felt that I have shared something that was part of me, a deeper part of me... and I got scared. So I stopped for a moment, and contemplated about publishing other ones.

But here I am again... and the dream went like this...

My sister was pregnant and about to give birth. The moment that she was having the contractions, I hit a wall, and I think I fainted. When I hit that wall, nothingness and stillness crept inside of me. When I opened my eyes, my sister has given birth.

I saw children. Children that I have never seen before, but they're supposed to be related to me. One kid showed me his red candies. Put some on top of his head and made a mention about the cat in the hat. I laughed and the supposed to be dad (whom I don't know), laughed too.

I went to the baby's room. Lied beside the baby and talked to him. Amazingly enough, I understood the baby. He was talking to me by telepathy. It's either him or me thinking, wishing that he'd grow up soon so I have someone to talk to, because nobody understands me. I was touched by this, and I cried. Tears were flowing from my eyes and I really felt the emotions.

Crows: An Omen?

A couple of days ago, I was walking one morning when I saw this house. It was big, painted white, and on the roof, a murder of crows was perched. They were flying around the house making noises. I didn't understand why they were at that specific house only. The houses around it didn't have any crows perched on the roof.

It was creepy. I tried looking hard at the roof, maybe there's some sort of food in there and the crows were having a feast, but no. They were just perched, and some more are flocking on the roof. It appears they were having a meeting of some sort. Then I thought, could it be an omen? Could've someone died there that morning? I didn't dare find out. I was too scared.

My Brother: My Enemy, My Friend

Do you believe in the saying that the sibling that was born immediately before or after you will be your biggest enemy as a kid?

I can attest to that. My older brother and I used to fight like cats and dogs. I mean really. Fighting like cats and dogs seemed to be a weaker description. Believe me, we fought like it's the last war on earth. There's shouting, kicking, pinching, punching... You name it, we did it.

As we grew older, I found that out of all the siblings I have, we two have the most in common. He introduced me to music. As a result, I saw my biggest musical influence which lead me to play the guitar. Not only that, when he went away to college, sometimes he'd visit us on the weekends: He'd spend all his time with me. He brought me music magazines, music videos. We talked, we had debates... Nevertheless, we spent quality times with each other.

After awhile, inevetable circumstances lead as physically apart. We lost touch. We never talked. It seemed that life for both of were so busy. Until recently, my parents visited him. My mother talked about what my brother have been into, what kind of life he has. Then it hit me, I am missing him so much. Not only that, but I am so ashamed of myself that I didn't make the effort to be in touch with him. I didn't know his hobbies or what his friends call him, what food he likes, what music he listens to now... etc. It just tore me up.

Now, I try my best to be in touch with him. I don't forget his birthdays or christmas, or any other holidays. Sometimes, just for no reason at all, I write him letters or call him. It's still not the same as seeing him, but I'm hoping that someday, in the very near future, I will fly to see him or vice versa and get caught up.

Bamboo: Stellar Vocalist, Mediocre Band

To be honest, I was one among the people who prayed hard that Bamboo Manalac will at least grace the airwaves again, if not part of the super band, Rivermaya.

Rivermaya in its glory days (with Bamboo) was a legend. It combined the two most important musical elements: unsurpassed vocal performance and genius songwriting (and producing). It was dream band. It was a perfect band. Of all the Pinoy bands that came and went, Rivermaya (avec Bamboo) was the best.

Alas, good things never last, Bamboo left Rivermaya in its height of popularity. Now, the sensible thing to do for Rivermaya at that point (in my opinion anyway), was to audition for another vocalist with a great set of pipes. He had to have the same or better vocal power and charisma as Bamboo Manalac. In addition, as good looking as him, or better looking (let's face it, good looks sells). Maybe he cannot come close to Bamboo's vocals, but at least comparable. I dunno what possessed the band to think that Rico Blanco can fill Bamboo's shoes. I'm still scratching my head up to this day. No offense, I think Rico is a genius, songwriting and producing-wise, but as a vocalist?

I was overjoyed when I learned that Bamboo Manalac returned to the music scene. The Pinoy music scene wasn't the same without him. I have to hand it to Ira Cruz and company, who knew what the audience wanted. They want Bamboo Manalac, thus they named the band Bamboo.

Imagine my enthusiasm when I got "As the Music Plays" (repackaged) album. I wrestled with the plastic wrapper, too excited to listen to the cd and too excited to watch the videos.

When I heard the first track, all I can say was "WOW!", Bamboo Manalac's voice has improved and matured dramatically. You can still recognize that it's still him, but wow. I wish I could've said the same thing about the songwriting and the production though. No songs, with the exception of the first single "Noypi" grabbed me. None of the songs had the "couldn't get it out of my head" syndrome. I listened to the album once, twice, then that's it. I had my fill. Unlike Rivermaya's (with Bamboo) albums whom I couldn't get enough of.

And the videos... how shall I put it... yeah they sucked. It's obvious that they didn't spend any money at all. My home videos are better. It's like one day they decided they needed a video, then went thru their taped rehearsals and, yay! They have a video.

I'm sure the album's sales were great because of Bamboo Manalac's loyal following from his Rivermaya days. But if they're going to make a lot of new fans, the songwriting and production have to be improved. I have read a few fan postings about the band, and I can tell right away the old fans from the new fans. The new fans' comments were "I wanna have Bamboo's baby", "Ira, you're so hottt." Nothing wrong with that of course, good looks are important too, but not to the point that it overshadows the band.

I hope the band's second album is better than the first one. I'd still buy it, just for the sake of completing my Bamboo Manalac's collection. What can I say? He's an unsurpassed vocalist.

CORNER GAS Season 1 DVD: Super-funny eh?

I admit, I am a couch potato. Gimme a break ok? I'm just giving my brain some needed rest. I need something relaxing and entertaining when I get home.

If you're a fan of slick writing, witty sarcasms and a load of eye candy, then Corner Gas is for you. It's a Canadian sitcom. I must admit, this is the first Canadian show that I really liked (no offense). If you think that this show will disprove your misconception about Canada being inhabited by people like Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel, you are sadly mistaken.

This is pure comedy genius. The story takes place in Dog River, Saskatchewan where the place is boring, but the people never. The writing is remisnicent of Wonderfalls with its sharp sarcasms, and Buffy with its references to Pop culture.

The casting is perfect. You can never have a favorite character because everybody is so good. Well, except for most of you who likes Karen, the policewoman hottie.

Just a little warning, if you just got out of the operating room and is nursing some stitches, then you may wanna wait a while till they're healed before watching this. You'll probably burst out laughing (literally) if you don't.

Fortune Cookie or Lie-To-Me-Will-You-Cookie?

If you're like me, opening a fortune cookie is one life's guilty pleasures. I break them open like it's a christmas gift. I read every little piece of paper fortune. It's funny, why do they call it fortune cookie when they say things like:

"Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you"
"You like Chinese Food"
"You will be fortunate in everything you put your hands on"
"You'll make a good lawyer"

Either it's stating the obvious, or stating something that's totally unrelated to your life, or stating a total complete fabrication. Still, a lot of people believe in fortune cookies. Some open one and their lives change in a hearbeat. Some get a big ego boost. Some are so foolish that they believe everything that they read and they wait for the fortune to come. Or some are so foolish that they think they're more than they really are and take stupid risks.

If family, friends and lovers would have the same credibility as the fortune cookie, imagine what the world would be like. Hmmmm....

Of nightmares and murders

They say that when you dream of murder (witness, committed), it means that you are putting an end to old habits or beliefs. It may also mean that you are trying to kill a part of you, or a part of you is dying. It also means that you are trying to repress anger in your waking life, and our dreams become the outlet.

I have been dreaming for the past couple of nights that I was witnessing a murder. First was the murder of a young woman, second the murder of a young man, and the last, a murder of a little girl. The last one was a bit different though. Instead of me just witnessing the murder, I was trying to protect someone. This was the dream:

I dreamt that I was babysitting a little girl. We were having a stroll, then I saw a corpse (another little girl). The little girl that I was with, I was trying so hard to protect her from the sight. I covered her eyes so she wouldn't see it. As the dream went, I had the overwhelming feeling that I had to protect this girl and I don't want anything bad to happen to her.

As I was thinking about this, it occurred to me that about a few days ago, I had a revelation about life. Free will is an illusion. You see, I'm a cynic at heart. I believe that for every smile that I get, sadness will ensue. So everyday that I live my life, I am very careful. Careful to do everything because I don't want to make mistakes that will lead to sadness. Then I find out that no matter how hard I try, if something's meant to happen, it will happen. If it's really meant to be, then no amount of free will is gonna change that.

I dream of murders because a long-time belief has been disproven, and somewhere inside of me, something is dying. Though still, some part of me is trying keep it alive.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

So I watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory a couple days ago. It was a good movie. I haven't seen a good movie in awhile (last one I saw was Birth with Nicole Kidman. All I can say is, what a complete waste of my time. I wonder why such a good actress like Nikki Kidman would play in a crap of a movie like that). Johnny Depp was astounding. That guy amazes me. He can play any role. I'd see him over Tom Cruise at any time.

Have you ever noticed that Tom Cruise's role is either an angry man or an angry man? Waittaminute. His role is always an angry man. Can you say, I wanna see a new facial expression please?